I used to be a big researcher. When I became pregnant with Harper I researched EVERYTHING. The best baby products, when to feed your baby solids, how to get your baby to sleep through the night, baby wearing, breastfeeding, childbirth, milestones, discipline, birth plans...
I researched the shit out of anything and everything I could think of.
The result? A TON of worry.
The problem with having SO much information at our fingertips is that it's often just someone else's opinion, or someone else's experience.
Before I was a mom, it was the internet that helped me decide that:
My child would never watch TV before 2. I would never allow my son to play with guns or pretend to do anything that resembled violence. I would make all of my baby food. I would have a natural birth and if I didn't, it would be devastating. I would not let my child get sucked into consumerism with a love of brands and characters. Our house would look neat and orderly with cool vintage toys and no plastic clutter. I could go on and on.
Well, our precious Harper was born, and made me exactly who I was meant to be, and with that came a really cool set of INSTINCTS. Sweet, motherly instincts that I learned to trust and all of my preconceived rules flew right out of the window.
I realized that all of my stances and opinions were formed before I even had a chance to experience what motherhood was like! I had this preplanned idea of what a "good mom" was.
Well, I learned quickly that this tiny little individual was a person too who would have a personality and opinions all his own. All of my perfect plans were about what I thought I SHOULD do, based on an internet article or blog post. What about HIS plans, HIS feelings, and HIS instincts?
I overheard a couple of moms at the playground recently.
They were discussing the YouTube Videos of children opening toys. If you're a parent of a kid over 2, you know the videos I am talking about. Kids opening toys, or surprise eggs, or sometimes weird creepy man hands opening their toys and talking about them. :-)
Please don't think I am being judgmental for what I am about to say, because I AM NOT at ALL intending to sound that way. Especially because I used to think and say the same things.
They were saying that they would NEVER allow their children to watch those videos because it promotes gluttony and consumerism. They were also going on and on about how princesses send the wrong message and how toy guns are DEFINITELY a no no because playing with guns is so violent.
Here's what I think. Kids don't know what gluttony is. They just want to see toys! Toys are fun and awesome! They're not going to become vain or shallow because they think princesses are beautiful and they want to look just like them. If they want to pretend to shoot bad guys with play guns, it's just imagination. It's a game. They're being creative.
It's we, the parents, who make these definitions and assumptions. We've been around the block. We've clicked one too many internet links. We've read statistics and stories, news articles and mom blogs. We listen to our peers sometimes instead of our children. We're afraid of what other parents might think if we break these "standards of parenting" I have a feeling that WE are the ones being influenced by the media; not so much our children.
In my opinion if we love our kids fiercely it's all going to be OK. They're gonna turn out fine. That's the one rule that we MUST follow.
If you love your kids fiercely and put everything you have into them, a toy or some shows or some pretend wars aren't going to turn them into maniacs or ungrateful, wild, gluttonous, violent kids. If you're fully immersed in raising your children and shower them with positivity, attention and affection, it is YOU they will emulate. It is YOU they will want to make proud. It is YOU that will teach them values by your loving example.
I feel like we need to stop over-thinking it. Let our kids be kids. Stop putting limitations on their creative play. Stop deciding that it's wrong for them to be into something out of fear for what *could* happen or out of fear what someone else might think.
Instead of spending time reading articles about studies showing that "so and so" will cause your children to "so and so," spend the time showing interest in their princesses, or guns, or weird man hand surprise egg videos. They're into it. It means something to them. Show them you respect their preferences by asking questions, learning more, and playing with them!
I'll end with an excerpt from my favorite poem "On Children" by Khalil Gibran:
"You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable."
so He loves also the bow that is stable."
