Are we Over-Thinking Parenting?

I used to be a big researcher. When I became pregnant with Harper I researched EVERYTHING. The best baby products, when to feed your baby solids, how to get your baby to sleep through the night, baby wearing, breastfeeding, childbirth, milestones, discipline,  birth plans...

I researched the shit out of anything and everything I could think of.

The result? A TON of worry.

The problem with having SO much information at our fingertips is that it's often just someone else's opinion, or someone else's experience.

Before I was a mom, it was the internet that helped me decide that:

My child would never watch TV before 2. I would never allow my son to play with guns or pretend to do anything that resembled violence. I would make all of my baby food. I would have a natural birth and if I didn't, it would be devastating. I would not let my child get sucked into consumerism with a love of brands and characters. Our house would look neat and orderly with cool vintage toys and no plastic clutter. I could go on and on.


Well, our precious Harper was born, and made me exactly who I was meant to be, and with that came a really cool set of INSTINCTS. Sweet, motherly instincts that I learned to trust and all of my preconceived rules flew right out of the window.

I realized that all of my stances and opinions were formed before I even had a chance to experience what motherhood was like! I had this preplanned idea of what a "good mom" was.

Well, I learned quickly that this tiny little individual was a person too who would have a personality and opinions all his own. All of my perfect plans were about what I thought I SHOULD do, based on an internet article or blog post. What about HIS plans, HIS feelings, and HIS instincts?

I overheard a couple of moms at the playground recently.

They were discussing the YouTube Videos of children opening toys. If you're a parent of a kid over 2, you know the videos I am talking about. Kids opening toys, or surprise eggs, or sometimes weird creepy man hands opening their toys and talking about them. :-)

Please don't think I am being judgmental for what I am about to say, because I AM NOT at ALL intending to sound that way. Especially because I used to think and say the same things.

They were saying that they would NEVER allow their children to watch those videos because it promotes gluttony and consumerism. They were also going on and on about how princesses send the wrong message and how toy guns are DEFINITELY a no no because playing with guns is so violent.

Here's what I think. Kids don't know what gluttony is. They just want to see toys! Toys are fun and awesome!  They're not going to become vain or shallow because they think princesses are beautiful and they want to look just like them. If they want to pretend to shoot bad guys with play guns, it's just imagination. It's a game. They're being creative.

It's we, the parents, who make these definitions and assumptions.  We've been around the block. We've clicked one too many internet links. We've read statistics and stories, news articles and mom blogs. We listen to our peers sometimes instead of our children. We're afraid of what other parents might think if we break these "standards of parenting" I have a feeling that WE are the ones being influenced by the media; not so much our children.

In my opinion if we love our kids fiercely it's all going to be OK. They're gonna turn out fine. That's the one rule that we MUST follow.

If you love your kids fiercely and put everything you have into them, a toy or some shows or some pretend wars aren't going to turn them into maniacs or ungrateful, wild, gluttonous, violent kids. If you're fully immersed in raising your children and shower them with positivity, attention and affection, it is YOU they will emulate. It is YOU they will want to make proud. It is YOU that will teach them values by your loving example.

I feel like we need to stop over-thinking it. Let our kids be kids. Stop putting limitations on their creative play. Stop deciding that it's wrong for them to be into something out of fear for what *could* happen or out of fear what someone else might think.

Instead of spending time reading articles about studies showing that "so and so" will cause your children to "so and so," spend the time showing interest in their princesses, or guns, or weird man hand surprise egg videos. They're into it. It means something to them. Show them you respect their preferences by asking questions, learning more, and playing with them!

I'll end with an excerpt from my favorite poem "On Children" by Khalil Gibran:

"You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable."

The Law of Attraction

Do you know about the law of attraction?

I never did before either.

Here's the gist. You attract what you expect. Like attracts like.

For instance, if you expect to have a wonderful, easy, happy day, you will.  If you expect things to go your way, it's likely that they will do exactly that.  If you focus on your gratitude for all that you have, you will attract more wonder and beauty into your life.

If you spend your days filled with worry and disappointment, expecting and focusing on the worst, guess what you'll get?

Have you ever noticed that a lot of people who spend their time complaining and being negative seem to have a lot of tough shit continually happen to them?

Have you noticed that people who are perpetually happy and positive seem to have the best luck and the easiest lives?

It's not coincidence...it's the law of attraction at work.

This may seem silly, but I've lived in Florida most of my 39 years and ALWAYS wanted to find a shark's tooth, but never did. I had it in my head that for some reason I just wasn't lucky enough to find one. I was defeated before I even tried.

I went to the beach recently with my family. It was an absolutely perfect day. I'd had a rough couple of days before, and was easing myself out of a funk. I took a quiet minute to float in the water all alone to soak in everything around me  and watch my sweet family play at the water's edge. The water was the perfect temperature, calm as can be, and super clear and clean. There was music playing in the distance, and there was just this beautiful energy. This happy, alive vibration surrounding me. I was filled with immense joy just for being right there in that moment. Suddenly it was clear to me that I was living my dreams and that I was exactly where I needed to be, and became overwhelmed with gratitude.

A few minutes later as I rejoined my family, I noticed Jerry sifting through the sand looking for shark's teeth. I decided to join him. I just KNEW in my bones that I would find one, and declared it out loud.

Wouldn't you know that I found one a minute later? Then another, and another...all within about 5 minutes!!!

3 shark's teeth in five minutes when I'd spent a lifetime searching before.

When I found the first one, it solidified my feelings of gratitude and gave me feelings of reassurance that I am on the right path. Since I like to ask for signs, I played a little game in my head with the Universe and asked to find another one as a sign that I was, indeed, finding these shark's teeth for a reason. The third one was just a little cherry on top I think :-)

Just compare the shark's teeth in this story to your perfect job, or your soul mate, or prosperity, or complete and utter happiness living a life that aligns with your dreams... All of those things are out there, waiting for you to find them. They ARE! You just have to REALLY BELIEVE that you will find them, and focus on that happening. Envision in. Feel it. Visualize it.  Stop thinking of all of the reasons that they won't happen. Don't focus on the negative, because I am telling you, you'll just get more of that.

Those shark's teeth were always right in front of me, just like everything you want is in front of you.

You just have to believe.

FU Mercury!

I don't know all of the mystical, astrological shit behind Mercury retrogrades. but I DO know that every time I feel nuts and Harper acts nuts I learn that Mercury is, in fact, in retrograde.

I've learned that since my sign, Cancer, rules feelings, I get emotionally crazy. Harps is a Gemini which rules communications. Basically he's screwed because Mercury in retrograde messes with ALL things related to communications. Poor dude.  Every time retrograde occurs, Harper gets a bit out of control. I'll find myself thinking...what did he EAT today? Did he go to bed late? Did he have too much screen time? NOPE! It's dang Mercury! That asshole of a planet!

Anyhow, this cycle ends 10/9.

I am planning a new challenge group beginning 10/19!

This one is gonna be special. All about renewal.

Renewal of mind, body and spirit.

We're going to do PiYo- a pilates/yoga hybrid workout. We're going to eat fresh, healthy meals. We're going to replenish our nutrients with a delicious daily shake. We're going to practice self care. We're going to dig deep into our souls with some personal development.

The perfect way to renew and refresh after a retrograde cycle.

Details to come!

If you want to be on the wait list, send me a message or drop your email below! Special deals this month for early-birds! xo

Things He Says

Things He Says- Bedtime edition

I know you all probably expect "Things He Says" to be funny, because they usually are, but today's might melt your heart.

It did mine at least.

 At bedtime Harper turns into a different kid. I usually wait until bedtime to have big conversations with him, because he is always up for a deep talk before he goes to sleep. That's when he has the most to say about his day, and life in general.  He'll say "Wanna talk about stuff?" That's music to a mother's ears. Especially a mother of a kiddo who usually answers "I don't remember" when you ask him about his day, ha!

He also gets REALLY sweet and pours his heart out, like he did tonight.

H: "Mama, will you sing to me?"

Me: "Yes of course!"

Then I sing "Beautiful Boy" By John Lennon

Close your eyes
Have no fear
The monster's gone
He's on the run and your mama's here

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

Out on the ocean sailing away
I can hardly wait to see you come of age
But I guess, we'll both just have to be patient
'Cause it's a long way to go, a hard row I know
Yes, it's a long way to go but in the meantime

Before you cross the street
Take my hand
Life is what happens to you
While you're busy making other plans

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy

In the middle of the chorus Harper says

H: "You're beautiful. You're more beautifuller than me."
M: "Aww thank you, buddy, but there's NO WAY. You're a million times more beautiful than I am"

I move on to "You are my Sunshine"

He sings with me, eyes half closed.

H: "I love you way more than you love me. I love you so much"
Me: (tears rolling down cheek) "That makes me SO happy that you love me so much. I don't think you could even imagine how much I love you. I love you SO SO SO much. More than anything. I love you more than anyone could even count. I can't even describe how much I love you because it is SO MUCH"

Then we sing a little part (I think my family made this up? I don't know if it's a real song, haha! My mom used to sing it to me)

I love you Harper
Oh yes I do
I love you Harper
Indeed it's true
I love you Harper
I do
Oh Harper I love you

And would you believe the sweetest boy in the land starts singing too, but says Gina when I say Harper?

So I put his hand on my cheek to feel the tears, and tell him they're happy tears because I love him so much, and, with his warm open palm against my face he says

" I feel all that love, mama. I feel it. "

Then he puts both hands on my cheeks and kisses me, and tells me that he hopes I have happy thoughts and good, fun dreams (Something that I often wish HIM before bed.)

I don't know how in the world we got so lucky, but my heart almost exploded tonight with love and gratitude.

Thank you, God, for giving me the most beautiful, perfect family. 

Things SHE Says

Things SHE Says

I usually do Things HE says with Harper only, but my daily conversations with Junie are getting pretty hilarious too!


Junie: Eww! Somebody farted!

Me: No they didn't! I am the only person here, and I didn't fart.

Junie: Who's fart is that?

Me: Well, I didn't fart and the only other person here is you, so did you fart?

Junie: (Placing open hand across heart and cocking head) It's me fart?

Me: I don't know. Only you'd know if you farted. Did you fart?

Junie: (laughing) Yes!


2 years old and already trying to blame her farts on others.

Back to school, Back to YOU

Hmmm....Thinking about hosting a 21 day health and fitness accountability group starting in the beginning of September.

Surely there have to be more mamas like myself who have been thrown off track by the hustle and bustle of the end of summer who also need a clean slate?

Doesn't a fresh start for your health and fitness goals to go along with a fresh start of this school year sound good?

Back in a routine, back in the flow of things...maybe with the kids back in school now there's a little more time for YOU to work on YOU?

You'll get an easy to follow nutrition plan with color coded containers that coincide with your food groups to make your meal prep easy, a super nutritious breakfast that takes 5 minutes to blend before you rush your kiddos off to school, and workouts to be done at home that are only 30 minutes long.

Super simple and super effective.

Did I mention that the plan includes a little wine and chocolate too? wink emoticon

I'm also thinking of making this group a good place to share healthy, packable kid's lunches, easy, meal plan approved crock pot dinners, and time saving tips and tricks to make the beginning of this school year the start of healthy new habits for your whole family.

I think this would be great for teachers too! I know I have a lot of teacher friends out there!

I'm thinking 9/7 will be a great day to start. It gives us a couple of weeks to settle into the new routine, but not TOO long after school starts to establish unhealthy routines.

Who's interested?

Please feel free to share with any parents (or teachers or anyone) that may be into something like this!

I *might* even get a little crazy and offer a free cookbook to the first 3 who register!

Message me for details!

Mix Tape

The War on Drugs- "Red Eyes"

This song is my jam. Give it a minute to kick in. Listen the whole way through.

Picture 2 parents, out for their first date in a long time. Couple beers in, feeling light and free. Laughing and dancing, no inhibitions at all. Totally in the moment. After the show, they wander outside. remembering who they were before having kiddos, when it was just them.. having the best time together. They round the corner to discover that band is outside throwing a baseball in the alley near the train tracks, so they join in.  They all just shoot the shit and play catch a bit. No hurry, nothing to do, nowhere to be. They hear the distant sound of a train approaching, so they place an old key on the tracks to create a souvenir to remember such a perfect night. They expect that they won't be able to find the key...that it was probably kicked up by the racing wheels, but after searching for a bit, they see the pressed silver shape on the gravel under the tracks.

Now picture Harper, Junie and I on a different day, driving home after some exhilarating time spent outside. It was one of those days when everything went right. Both kids were happy, I was full of energy, we had fun exploring nature. No bickering, no rushing, just me and them and the music. This song came on, and was about to reach its crescendo when we were getting ready to drive over a long bridge. So I rolled all of the windows down, picked up the speed a bit, and blasted the music. I got teary eyed that we all shared a moment. I could see their dancing heads and smiles in the rearview; those kinds of joyful smiles that look like their cheeks might explode.

After the song was over, I told Harper the story about how that song was special to his Daddy and me too, because of our special date. I told him about the key, and gave it to him from my wallet.

It now has a special place in his treasure box. A little symbol of his parent's love to hold in his hand.

Mix Tape- The Tallest Man on Earth "Thrown Right at Me"

This song will make your heart sing, and the chemistry between these two performance will make  your heart dance.

Grounding

Have you heard of grounding? 

Humans are full of electricity. Free radical stress from exposure to pollution, cigarettes, insecticides, pesticides, trans fats, and radiation, just to name a few, continually deplete your body of electrons. Simply by getting outside, barefoot, touching the Earth, and allowing the excess charge in your body to discharge into the Earth, you can alleviate some of the stress continually put on your system. Walking barefoot can help neutralize the constant assault of electromagnetic fields and other types of radiation from cell phones, computers, and Wi-Fi.

We spent the past two days cooped up inside because of the heavy thunderstorms. Today we got out and had the most wonderful day at the beach.

I love connecting to nature. It invigorates me. It makes me feel so alive, yet so small and insignificant in the very best way. When I spend too much time inside, I start to feel stressed and unhealthy. I never realized that there was actual science behind this.

Well, today we connected to the earth wholeheartedly.

It was breezy and overcast when we arrived at the beach, and everyone was in a fantastic mood. We jumped in the waves, dug in the sand, had seaweed wars, chased the seagulls and dug in the sandy shoreline to discover the thousands of coquinas burying themselves there.

There were dark clouds above and we knew that the afternoon thunderstorms were looming, but we didn't pay it any mind. As the storm rolled in, we just threw our dry stuff in the car and had the most incredible time playing on the beach in the rain. We ran full speed down the beach laughing hysterically, the kids daring me to imitate their cool jumps, turns and tricks. We dug a little pool that Junie had the best time splashing around in. The kids and I lay on our bellies at the water's edge, letting the rain pour down on our backs while we dug our toes in the surf.

We had sand on our skin, rain on our backs, and we were surrounded by saltwater.

We were grounded.

Harper told me "This is my favoritest day out of all of the days except for my birthday and Christmas"
Me too, sweet kiddo. Me too.

Mix Tape

Mix Tape will be a new feature on my Blog! I know I always love discovering new tunes, but rarely make the time to do so in this crazy life of mine. I am sure there are many other busy folks out there that feel the same way, so I will share some of my favorite jams here for you to enjoy!

Today we have Monsters of Folk with "The Sandman the Brakeman and Me"

This is one of my favorite songs on the kiddo's bedtime playlist.

Both Harps and Junie know most of the words, and it is the sweetest thing when they sing it.

Junie shakes her head back and forth just like Jim James, and asks if he has his eyes closed because he's cared (scared) of the trees (outside of the window in the background)

Have a listen. It's a great nighttime travelin' tune!

WHat are your children's bedtime favorites?